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Can anyone think of good comedy/sitcom quotes that they'd like to share?

Anything by George Carlin!

The funniest movie scene, to me, is from Drowning Mona...

http://youtu.be/LVDPvRv62iM

Clouseau: Nice doggie. [Dog barks and bites Clouseau in the hand.] Clouseau: I thought you said your dog did not bite! Hotel Clerk: That is not my dog.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
Oscar Wilde

From the Anchorman 2 blooper reel:

Chani: What's your favorite food?
Brick: Peeled.

Only Fools and Horses (Think it's from 'Mother Natures Son')

Del: "You said it was open twenty four hours a day."
Trigger: "Yeah, but not at night."

National Lampoons Vacation

Eugene Levi as a used car salesman trying to sell Clark Griswall the Wagon queen family truckster.
"I mean sure you think you hate it now...,but wait until you drive it."

Yes, Minister is full of great lines. But there are too many to list but my favourite is a bit more than a line but its a classic:

Jim Hacker: Don't tell me about the press. I know exactly who reads the papers: The Daily Mirror is read by people who think they run the country; The Guardian is read by people who think they ought to run the country; The Times is read by the people who actually do run the country; The Daily Mail is read by the wives of the people who run the country; The Financial Times is read by people who own the country; The Morning Star is read by people who think the country ought to be run by another country; And The Daily Telegraph is read by people who think it is.

Sir Humphrey Appleby: Prime Minister, what about the people who read The Sun?

Bernard Wooley: Sun readers don't care who runs the country, as long as she's got big tits.

"Hey guys, whoa big gulps huh? Alright, welp, see ya later."